


not ever again

by kasara



Series: riverdale one-shots [1]
Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 23:57:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16106441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kasara/pseuds/kasara
Summary: two people who knew lonely, but also knew love // choni oneshot {expanded from an previous piece & reposted}





	not ever again

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the deleted Choni scenes and featuring quotes from those scenes.
> 
> After binging season 2 of Riverdale, I really wished there was more development and focus on their relationship, so I wrote this oneshot to explore both the characters and their relationship. I initially only wrote the first part from Toni's point of view and was going to write other pieces based on the other quotes, but I decided to combine them into a cohesive piece. Mostly headcanons and emotions I have for Choni and the beautiful, lovely individuals that is Cheryl Blossom and Toni Topaz. I just want everything for these girls.

_i’m right there, i’m by your side. you’re not alone, cheryl. not ever again._

Toni knew love, but she also knew lonely. She was only eight when her parents died in a shootout with the Ghoulies – _protecting each other as they always have_ , her grandmother told her later. But in their absence, her grandparents opened their home to her. She could still hear the Uktena songs her grandmother sang to her as she rocked Toni to sleep. They would be in her dreams long after the Uktena words, dusty from lack of practice, became awkward on Toni’s tongue. Her grandfather taught her not only the bloody history of their town, but pride in her Uktena heritage. And he reminded her not to let hate harden her, to remember her empathy and her connection to every being in the world. Toni watched as her grandparents squabbled over tiny things – _Old man, that is too much water. That dough will not rise_ – only to laugh and lock hands, content in each other’s arms. It was a love that made her feel both a part of and apart from her grandparents and their world, both love and loneliness. But Toni knew how little her grandparents had and though her grandparents never complained, there were moments Toni felt that their lives would be easier had they not have to take care of her too. Even though she was young, Toni tried her best to make herself useful and to make herself small. If she could take up less space, there would be more room for the people she loved.

Toni had never felt as alone in this world as when her grandmother passed into another world and her grandfather began to have bouts of forgetfulness. Visiting between two worlds, her grandfather told her during moments of clarity. _I miss your grandmother_ , he would say softly. _She always knew what to do._ Months later, Toni joined the Serpents. The Serpents were no longer just the Uktena, but a rallying cry of the Southside. But the elders of the Uktena continued to live at the very heart of the Southside, surrounded and protected by Southsiders, and they continued to play a symbolic role in the Serpents, even if they were not always attuned to the fast-changing world around them. It was these elders who decried Toni when she came out shortly after joining the Serpents. For the first time, Toni met others like her who were openly queer, and she fell in love for the first time – to Mariel, a fellow Serpent who taught her things as well. Like how to kiss (among other things), but also to be proud of a different part of her. It is not natural, the elders told her. Stubbornly, Toni refused. Toni belonged to generations of love, and she knew what love looked like. Even when Mariel fell in love with another. Even when her heart felt numb.

From then on, the Serpents stepped in to raise her. Her grandfather had been deemed by the state to be incapable of being a guardian, and her uncle, who also believed her to be unnatural, reluctantly took her in. But Toni lived mostly in the homes of her Serpent family, a younger generation who believed things could be different. Borrowed homes, Toni thought, but she was grateful for the warmth of her new family. It was the Serpents who taught her how to ride and chipped in to buy Toni her first motorcycle. They gave her protection and a place to be herself. From her grandfather, Toni learned to be proud of her history and soft in her heart. From the Serpents, she learned to own her voice and believe in a better future.

Toni knew love, but she also knew lonely. That’s how she recognized it in Cheryl, how heavy it hung on her and how hard she tried to pretend it did not. Toni remembered feeling cast out, different, _alone_. She also remembered someone giving her a safe place to land – every single time. She figured this Northsider deserved the same. And she couldn’t help being curious about her. Of course Toni had heard of Cheryl’s family and their sordid history, and she wondered at how wealthy and poor they were – more criminal than she and her friends, who were criminalized in this town for existing, were and yet so prestigious and powerful.

But most of all, she wondered at how much this girl had gone through and still managed to remain standing, how someone could seem both so fragile and so strong all at once. As she came to learn more about her, she knew – there was a softness in Cheryl that Toni wanted to protect.

* * *

_the only kind of love you’ve experienced was perverse, warped, and deviant._

_even if it was, it was mine._

Cheryl knew lonely, but she also knew love. Thornhill was a quiet, cold fortress, and Cheryl Blossom was much the same. It was the only way she knew how to live. _People only want to take advantage of us and our fortune_ , her father would tell her. _They envy us because we are the Blossoms_. From her parents, she learned never to trust others or let them in, to build icy walls around her heart. They instilled in her a pride of being a Blossom. For a long time in her life, she believed there was no more important thing. After all, she shared it with the person who mattered most to her – her brother, her other half. He looked out for her, and she loved him. He was all she had, but it was all she thought she needed.

In her memories, there was a summer breeze as _**she**_ walked in that door that first day of 7th grade. Heather. She’d transferred from another school, and Cheryl’s hand was the first one up when Ms. Patterson asked who could show the new girl around. At the time, Cheryl told herself it was because she, as a Blossom, knew Riverdale best of all. It wasn’t because Heather’s wispy blonde hair fell on her face in a way that made Cheryl want to tuck it behind her ears or that her eyes were the color of an endless sky Cheryl felt lost in. _No, it was her responsibility_ , Cheryl thought.

The first time they brushed hands, Cheryl felt warm the entire day. She found every opportunity to spend time with Heather, and soon they were inseparable. The first time Cheryl found the courage to invite Heather to a sleepover in Thornhill, her world changed. Heather brought the sun to her bleak world. And she still remembered the space between their lips just before they met, that agonizing anticipation. Like time stood still for a moment that belonged to only them. Someone loved her. And she loved her. Cheryl looked forward to the moments she was with Heather. On nights Heather was not staying over, Cheryl laid in bed wishing for time to move faster towards Heather. Her family had taught her she was to live a life alone, but Heather taught her what it was like not to be. She kept it to herself because she knew what her parents would think – _that it was wrong, that she was wrong_ – but also because it was hers. In fact, nothing had ever felt more right, like Cheryl found something she had been looking for all along. Only Jason knew her secret, and though he warned her there could be dangerous consequences, he promised never to tell.

There were consequences. Almost as quickly as it began, it unraveled. Cheryl saw only disgust on her mother’s face when she found them intertwined in her bed. _You are a deviant_ , her mother said. _I’m in love_ , Cheryl told her. _You know nothing of love_ , her mother responded. Within days, Heather’s family was gone – _moved away to somewhere far_ , her parents told her. Cheryl never saw her again, but she never forgot her.

Cheryl knew lonely, but she also knew love. It was buried deep within her heart, behind tangled vines of shame, waiting. When Toni placed her hand on Cheryl’s and told her she was sensational, she felt warm the entire night. And she knew. This time, she would fight for love and fight for this beautiful, warm, strong person to be in her life. In Toni, she found a home, and she wanted to give her one too.

* * *

_welcome to your home, babe._

Saturday mornings were for pancakes, Toni’s specialty - lemon ricotta for Cheryl and chocolate peanut butter for Toni ( _a child’s_ _palate_ , Cheryl said teasingly). Before long, Thistlehouse was a regular meeting spot for the younger Serpents, and on days that they were all there, there were also chocolate chip pancakes for Fangs and Sweet Pea (they tried making a sweet pea pancake once to no success), blueberry pancakes for Betty, and plain maple syrup pancakes for Jughead ( _I have an appreciation for the simple things_ , he said to which Toni replied, _You mean basic?_ ). Cheryl pretended to be reluctant at first, but in truth, she looked forward to the chatter, the clanking of forks against plates, chaos filling a once quiet place. FP came by too to check in on them occasionally, and sometimes he brought Alice. _I’m just here for the pancakes_ , she would say, but she often brought groceries and food ( _leftovers I didn’t know what to do with_ , she would tell them as she put the food into the fridge).

Sunday mornings, however, were their own – lazy mornings tangled up in bed until noon. Toni would tell Cheryl stories her grandparents told her as a child or memories of cooking with her parents when she was very young. And sometimes it was enough for them just to listen to the rise and fall of their breaths, content to be exactly where they were. When they did get out of bed, they often spent time walking outside. Cheryl discovered that Toni had always wanted to garden, and she converted the barn into a greenhouse for Toni’s plants. Cheryl didn’t have the same green thumb, but she bought everything she thought Toni might need – plenty of soil, several pots of each plant at the farm she visited, and the cutest rake she could find. _All of this is mine?_ , Toni said when Cheryl surprised her. _As much as you want_ , Cheryl told her. The plants spilled into Thistlehouse and soon, there is greenery everywhere.

On school days, there is cheerleading and classes and homework and Serpents business. Life continued, in some ways very much the same, except that they had a home to come to at the end of every day and someone to share it with. Two people who knew lonely, but also knew love – no longer lonely and in love.


End file.
